Bittersweet
by Chibi-Inu13
Summary: Sometimes love doesn't conquer all...
1. Part I: More Than Friends

Title: Bittersweet.

By: Nikki. T. (Chibi-Inu13)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama

Rating: R

Warnings: None. May contain OOC.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't ask.

_Part 1: More Than Friends_

_

* * *

Bittersweet: pleasure tinged with pain or pleasure; sweetness with a bitter aftertaste._

* * *

You should have known that something was up. The light touches here and there, the whispers, the occasional blushing. The way that for the past few weeks, months even, that they were inseparable – one never seen without the other just a few inches away. You try to ignore it; it was just probably your imagination. They couldn't be _more_ than friends, they just couldn't.

But then these little things became _bigger_ things. The light touches became less discrete and more noticeable; the blushing became more frequent. And lets not forget the so-called _friendly _kisses on the cheek, oh how could you not forget those, – which where just a tad too long to be considered _friendly_.

You ask them time and time again if something was up.

'You're just imagining things,' she would say with a soft smile on her lips, 'nothing's going on, it's just…_ platonic_.'

She's lying.

You know she's lying. You can tell by the tone of her voice, which wavers a bit when she's lying.

You don't voice this but just nod your head in agreement.

So you ask him if anything is going on. He would laugh and pat you on the back. 'You know that I never kiss and tell Yash,' he would reply with an odd twinkle in his eyes.

So you ask him if there _was_ anything going on between them. He just laughs again and smiles. 'Nope of course not…it's just…_platonic._'

Hmmm…how many times have you heard that word now? Twice maybe? Yup, twice you've heard that word.

And so it continues, the light touches here and there, the blushing and the _friendly_ kisses on the cheek. You wish that they would just come out and tell you what was so plainly obvious, that they were together. You wish that they wouldn't hide this from you, they're your best friends; things like this shouldn't be kept a secret.

So you continue watching from the sidelines- the flirting, the blushing, the kisses – and a feeling of sadness overcomes you.

You wish that this wasn't happening, you wish that this was just a bad dream.

You wish that you were the one flirting, blushing and receiving the kisses from her…

No…don't finish that thought. You don't wish that, she's you're best friend…you can't be thinking about her like _that_. She's like your sister for god's sake.

But still…

Oh well…they aren't even a real couple, you tell yourself over and over again. Like they said it was just platonic, nothing could every happen between those two.

They couldn't be _more_ than friends. They just couldn't.

* * *

You watch them over the rim of the cup you bring to your lips. They're sitting together across from you - she's practically sitting in his lap. He's whispering something to her, something that causes her to blush and punch him playfully on the arm. You try not to frown as he wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her small frame against his.

This bothers you but you don't know why. Who cares if she's blushing over something he said, knowing him it was just something perverted like always.

You set the half-empty cup down and watch them quietly. She reaches for her cup on the coffee table, her hand brushing against his as he reaches for his cup at the same time. (Coincidence maybe? Perhaps not.) They blush and he mutters a quiet apology. She nods – her eyes downcast – as she brings her cup to her lips.

You can't but help notice how pretty she looks all flushed and embarrassed.

She places her cup gently on the table and mutters a quiet 'excuse me' as she gets up and walks to the washroom; your eyes following her as she crosses the room. You notice how she purposely avoids looking at him, her cobalt eyes staring firmly at her feet.

You tear your gaze from her and watch him from the corner of your eye. He's watching her intently, his violet eyes never wavering from her form as she walks past him. He continues watching her until she leaves his field of vision. You hear him sigh softly, and he reaches for his drink again.

'She sure is something else,' he whispers quietly that you almost don't catch what he's saying.

'Yeah,' you swallow, 'she sure is.'

A few minutes of silence pass between you, the only sound is of the small clock hanging on the wall.

_Tick…tick… tick._

'Hey Yash.'

'Yeah,' you answer back as you take a sip of your drink, an odd feeling of foreboding in your stomach.

_Tick…tick…tick_.

'What do you think of Kagome and me.'

You clutch the cup in your hand. 'I think you guys are the most loyal friends I've ever had,' you reply earnestly.

'No…I'm not asking you that,' he replies quietly, his eyes never straying from his feet. 'I'm asking you what you think about _us._'

You swallow the growing lump in your throat. 'What are you trying to say.' Your knuckles slowly turn white as you grip the cup tighter, so tight that you're afraid it might shatter in your hands.

_Tick…tick…tick…_

He looks up and runs a hand through his hair. 'What I'm saying is that I like Kagome.'

You nod your head in understanding. 'Yeah, I like her too,' you reply.

He licks his lips nervously. 'No, what I'm trying to say is that I _like_ her Yash. As in like, like her.' He pauses and stares off into space. 'Can I ask you something?' He says quietly.

'What?' you ask.

'Do you love her?'

This question catches you off guard. Why would he be asking you this? 'Of course I do. I love her as if she were my own sister.'

He shakes his head. 'But do you _love_ her.'

You're breath hitches in your throat at his question. So he was asking if you were _in_ love with her. Now that was an easy question, of course you weren't. But you can't deny that Kagome isn't a very desirable woman. In fact, at one point you were attracted to her, but even you know the difference between love and lust and what you felt with Kagome was lust. Wasn't it?

'Of course I don't,' you finally say.

'Are you sure? I could've sworn that…' He trails off and shakes his head, causing you to quirk an eyebrow in question. He chuckles nervously and leans back into the couch. 'Sorry, I just always thought that you had a thing for her. Stupid isn't it?'

'Yeah…stupid.' You laugh uneasily.

He sits there quietly staring at his feet. 'I love her you know.'

Right now you're suppose to jump up and yell out 'I knew it!' Then you are suppose to congratulate him on something that you had always known was about to happen and tell him that you are happy for them. But instead you feel like the bottom of your stomach just fell and the only thing that you can say is 'Oh.' This can't be right. They're friends. They can't be more than friends.

You slowly bring your cup to your lips, but quickly set it down as you realize it is empty.

This can't be happening. No this is a joke. Some cruel joke that Miroku was playing on you. Any second now he's going to burst out laughing and say 'gotcha.' Then Kagome is going to walk in and you'll all laugh about it like you always do when Miroku plays one of his stupid jokes.

But no, that doesn't happen. Instead he's looking at you expectantly, as if waiting for you to say something and you know that this isn't a joke.

'And I think…I think that she lo–_likes_ me too,' he says quietly.

Your throat is so dry that you can only nod in response. So that was it, you were right all along. There was something going on between them…well if there wasn't before, there was definitely something that was going to happen between them now.

'Are you…are you going to tell her this?' You ask, staring at the cup in front of you. You know this is a stupid question. Of course he's going to tell her, why the hell wouldn't he?

You hear him shift slightly on the couch. 'I was hoping to tell her today, but I…' he trails off.

You look up, one hand still clutching the cup tightly in its grasp; the other balled up into a fist beside you. 'But what?'

'But,' he starts off hesitantly, ' I wanted to ask you first. You're my…no _our_ best friend Yash, and I wanted to know if you had any problems with this. Your opinion matters to us a lot'

You have to admit that you do feel a little happy that he thought about your feelings as well before taking the plunge and asking Kagome to be his.

'So do you?'

You sit and think a while. Do you have any problems with this? No, you're happy for them. You knew this was going to happen, all those signs led up to this. It was inevitable. But a part of you is sad, jealous even. You try to picture him and her together. Holding hands, kissing…getting married…

'No,' you finally say, though it sounds a bit forced to you. 'I don't have a problem with it.'

'Really?'

You look at him and force a smile. 'I'm…I'm happy for you guys,' you lie through your teeth.

He lets out a breath that you didn't even know he was holding. His shoulders slump forward a little and he smiles. 'Thank you.'

Before you can ask him what for, an angelic voice reaches your ears, your heart speeding up a bit. 'So…what did you boys talk about while I was gone?'

You both turn around and see her stand there, the smile on her face literally taking your breath away, just like it always does. You know that the smile is having the same effect on Miroku for his smile widens at the sight of her.

'Oh nothing, just…guy stuff,' you answer breathlessly.

She seems to not notice her effect on you as she walks gracefully back to her seat beside him. A strange feeling enters your heart as he again wraps an arm around her. She subconsciously leans in towards him and you can't help but tear your gaze from the sight.

'What kind of stuff?' she asks innocently.

'Oh you know Kagome, just things that guys normally talk about when girls aren't around.' Miroku says playfully.

She rolls her eyes and you bite back a smile at how cute she looks. 'Boys,' she sighs over dramatically.

Miroku grins and pulls her closer to him. 'You know you love me,' he whispers in her ear teasingly.

A few seconds past by and you notice the wrinkles on her forehead which she always gets when she's thinking something over. She then turns to face him, a strange look in her eyes. 'Course I do, but the question is do you love me?' she asks with no trace of playfulness in her voice.

You take in a sharp breath as you feel as if your heart was being crushed in a vice. You know that look in her eyes. It was the same look that Miroku always gave her when he thought that no one was looking. And you know by her posture –her back straight, her hands folded in her lap –that she's serious.

So she did love him back. For some reason it seems different when she says it. When Miroku told you how he felt, you had a feeling that it wasn't true. It felt surreal, like a dream that you could wake up from and never remember happening. But when she said it…it seemed so…_real._ And you knew it wasn't a dream, and you can't wake up from this.

You start to feel strange as you watch the silent exchange between them. You feel as if you just walked into something intimate between them, but you didn't. They're just staring at each other, but it's the _way_ that they are that makes it feel so intimate. They're staring at each other like lovers do, but they aren't lovers. Well not yet. Another sharp pain goes through your heart and you have to look away. What's wrong with you?

You cough, ruining their moment but you just have to get away from them…from _this_. You have to get away from the feeling, as if you're suffocating, as you watch them smile at each other. 'Sorry to interrupt guys but I got to go.'

This brings them out of their dazed stupor and you can't help but feel a bit relieved when they slowly inch away from each other. 'Oh don't go yet Yash,' She pleads, 'we never hang out as much as we used to.' She smiles at you and you know that you'd do anything for her, just to see her smile. But when you look at Miroku, you break out of your trance and you know that he wants to be alone with her, just by the look he's giving you.

'Sorry Kagome but I really do have to go, but how 'bout we hang out next week?' You notice Miroku give you a grateful smile beside her, but she seems to not notice. She's too busy staring at you and you love the attention.

She tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear and bites her lower lip, which she always does when she's upset. 'Alright.'

You get up and are about to leave when she pulls you into a tight hug. You wrap your arms around her and the feeling of content, which always fills you when you hug her, runs through your body.

'See you later,' she whispers in your ear, her grazing your skin causing a shiver to go down your spine.

'Of course,' you whisper back.

As she pulls away you can't help but feel a part of you being pulled away also. She flashes you a quick smile and walks back towards Miroku. You let yourself out, but not without one last look over your shoulder.

You can't help but notice how much…in love they look. It's so sweet it sickens you. They speak with their heads so close together, her arm wrapped around his waist while his are around her. He's whispering in her ear slowly, his lips so close to her skin that they look like they are just grazing it softly. She smiles one of those rare smiles she has, which she only reserves for when she is really happy. You've only seen her smile like that three times and all three times they were because of you. But now they are because of him and its making you feel a tad bit jealous. You're about to leave, you can't take much more of this, but just as you're about to turn away, he stops speaking and kisses her on the lips. You can't turn away, you want to but you can't. It's as if your body has a will of its own. And when you think that it can't get any worse, she kisses him back.

And that's when you wish that the earth would just open up and swallow you whole.

You leave her house, your hand clutching your chest as you find it suddenly hard to breathe, and get away as fast as possible. If you didn't have a problem with them together then why did the sight of them kissing kill you inside? The thought of them doing that wasn't so bad but there is a difference between imagination and reality. And right now you wish that this is in your head and not real.

You shake your head. You're happy for them. You're happy for them because they are happy. You. Are. Happy.

You silently slip into an alleyway and squat down, clutching your head in your hands, breathing in deeply.

You. Are. Happy. You tell yourself over and over again.

But as the tears start flowing down your cheeks you know this is a lie. What is wrong with you? Why the fuck are you crying? You're suppose to be happy?

But the question is do you love me? 

_Stop crying. Get up and stop crying_. But you can't and the tears continue to flow. You aren't happy. You're dying inside. _Stop. Fucking. Crying._ You can't. You can't cause it hurts too much. You can't because you've finally realized something about yourself that changes your whole perspective on what happened. If only you realized this sooner than everything would've been different. But now it's too late.

And as you finally realize this, your sadness quickly turns into anger. You're angry at him, for stealing her away from you. You're angry at her for loving someone else. But more importantly, you're angry with yourself for being so stupid, so blind for the past few years to never realize what was in front of you the whole time. You get up and punch the wall behind you, ignoring the shooting pains coursing through your hand and arm. You probably broke something but that doesn't matter, nothing matters to you anymore.

She's taken.

By your best friend.

Your best friend…

_But the question is…_

…took her.

You're suppose to be happy.

Why aren't you happy?

…_do you love me?_

And as the tears continue to roll down your cheeks one thing keeps replaying in your head. One thing.

_Do you love her_?

'Yes…'

If only you realized this sooner…everything would've been different.

And this makes you cry even more.

Something was going on. The light touches here and there weren't so discrete anymore. The whispers and the blushing –yes they still blushed but about what you have no idea and really didn't want to know – were actually considered normal now and you were getting use to it. The way that they've been inseparable for years –5 years and 3 months to be exact –and were rarely seen without the other just a few inches away. You try to ignore it but you can't. It isn't your imagination. It's real.

You're trying to get use to it but it's hard. But you smile for them and act happy for them.

As long as they're happy you are happy. As long as _she_ was happy, you'd be happy.

Because they are your friends, you're best friends.

But _they_ were _more_ than friends.

And it was hard to accept that.

Because friends aren't suppose to be _more_ than friends. They just aren't.

-----------

A/N: Okay new so here's my new fic, I hope you guys liked this chapter. If Inuyasha seems OOC, sorry but it was the only way for this story to work. I have no clue when I'll be updating next but I am currently writing chapter 2 so it should be out in a week or two. Please R/R and thanks to my beta readers for editing this chapter.

–Nikki (Chibi-Inu13)


	2. Part II: Fools In Love

Title: Bittersweet.

By: Nikki. T. (Chibi–Inu13)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama

Rating: R/NC-17

Warnings: Contains Adult content. OOC

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this fic, they all belong to the talented Rumiko Takahashi.

Ship(s): I/K/M

Authors Notes: Begins approximately 5 years after prologue ended. Thanks to my beta readers, and to all my reviewers.

Part 2: Fools in Love

_

* * *

I'm talented at breathing, especially exhaling_

_So that my chest will rise and fall with yours_

_I'm careful not to wake you, fearing conversation_

_It's better just to hold you, and keep you pacified_

_-_Dashboard Confessional_ Bend and Not Break_

* * *

The sound of her breathing is what keeps you up. How slow and steady it sounds, as she sleeps peacefully beside you, her head resting against your arm. You listen to her breath –inhaling, exhaling. You try not to move, even though your arm is slowly going numb, afraid to wake her. So you stay still, watching her sleep, the rise and fall of her chest matching yours. Her lips are slightly parted with each shuddering breath she takes in, swollen and pink from the harsh kisses you two exchanged earlier.

The sound of breathing is what fills the room, yours and hers. The silence breaking with every shuddering breath she takes. To think that a few minutes ago the room was filled with heavy breathing, moans and gasps of _fuck, right there, harder_. It still surprises you that the girl who used to blush at the word sex would say such things, would do such things to you.

Closing your eyes, you find yourself replaying the night's events in your head, like some sort of silent slideshow playing over and over again. How she came into your house, collapsing into your arms a sobbing mess. Her eyes puffy and red as she looked into your eyes, a strange expression in hers. The feeling of her soft lips against yours as she kissed you. The stumbling and falling over furniture as you kissed her back, walking blindly towards the stairs. How you two nearly tumbled off the stairs, clawing at each other's clothes. The wall feeling cool and hard against your bare back as she pressed up against you, her breasts pressed against your chest. Her hand going inside your pants, grasping you, wrapping around you, pulling you closer to the edge. Running your hand along her inner thigh, spreading her legs apart. Long pale legs, rosy nipples, breasts that fitted perfectly in your hands. Tangled sheets around your legs, her moaning softly in your ear as you took a pert nipple in your mouth. Your eyes rolling to the back of your head as she took your cock in her mouth, _so warm, so wet_. Her tongue running down your chest towards your naval. Tasting yourself on her lips as you kissed her. Her back arching off the bed as your tongue circled her clit, running over it over and over and over. Her half-lidded eyes as she stared down at you; your tongue buried deep inside her. The look in her eyes, the deafening silence, as you finally sank into her. The thoughts of _so warm, so tight, so wet_ in your head. The sweat, the screams, the gasps of _fuck, harder, faster_ breathed hotly in your ear. The sound of your flesh smacking together. Legs wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer, making you increase the tempo of your thrusts.

If Miroku were to ever find out you would lie and say that it was all alcohol's fault and that you two weren't aware of what was going on. It was all a mistake, due to an alcohol-induced passion. Even though you are perfectly aware that neither of you had anything to drink that night and that you were perfectly aware of what you did.

Of course, Miroku would then presume that you took advantage of her when really she was the one who took advantage of you. She was the one who first initiated the kiss, and tried to climb you like a damn tree. She was the one who started ripping away at your clothes, causing buttons to fly in all directions in the process. She was the one, who freaking swallowed your cock whole, swallowing your seed as you came into her mouth. Of course, you could've tried to stop her, instead of encouraging it by ripping _her_ clothes off, tossing _her_ onto the bed and fucking _her_ into oblivion.

Opening your eyes, you turn your attention back to the source of the problem. The girl lying beside you, sheets tangled at her waist, her head resting against your arm.

The girl with the long pale legs, soft skilled hands, rosy nipples and perfect sized breasts. In other words Kagome, your best girl friend, the one who you happen to be in love with. You best friend who happens to be going out with your other best friend.

_Oh god…what the hell have you done?_

Looking down at her sadly, you brush a lock of her hair away from her face. This was what you were afraid of. You were afraid of this happening, that was why you tried to push them –to push her away. But it never worked; she would always find a way back to you. Just like she did tonight. And look what happened. She came to you for comfort. She came to you seeking comfort from her _best friend_, and _this_ happened. The thing, which you promised yourself you, would never do with her.

She was with your best friend for God's sake. So you promised yourself to never act on your feelings. Pushing all those thoughts to the back of your mind, you tried to ignore them. The aching in your chest whenever they would be together, laughing, smiling completely oblivious to the pain you were feeling was unbearable but you endured it for their happiness. You couldn't say anything about it; you couldn't do anything about it.

He asked you though; he asked you if it was okay. He was thinking about _your feelings_, about how _you felt_ about them being together. He didn't have to ask you though, he could've just taken her and it wouldn't have mattered. It wasn't your business, it was theirs and yet he still took your feelings into consideration. At that time, five years ago, you didn't mind them becoming a couple, but the moment his lips touched hers you knew. You knew that you were in love with her. Not falling in love not might be in love but in love. That's it, you're in love with her –it was a done deal. You were in love with her but you couldn't do anything about it but be happy. They were your friends; he was your friend, so you had to be happy for him, for them because they were your friends.

But were you thinking about his feelings tonight? Were you thinking about your friends? Were you thinking about how what you did –about what both of you did would affect him? No you weren't. You weren't thinking about him at all when you kissed her. You weren't thinking about his feelings or how he would feel when you sank into her for the first time. You weren't thinking about the consequences of your actions, or what would happen to your friendship. Did you consider his feelings or hers for that matter? No, because you weren't thinking at all.

Shame was what you were feeling right now. Shame for betraying your friend, your brother in every way except in blood, but your brother never the less. In one moment you betrayed him, and you knew that he would never forgive you for what you did. He would never forgive the _both of you_ for what you did.

And her…what about her? What would she feel when she woke up? Would she feel anger, regret…shame?

Her body shifting beside you breaks you out of your thoughts. Afraid that she woke up, you look down at her, the image of her sleeping figure beside you engraved in your mind forever. Another reason why you promised yourself to never sleep with her. Other than the fact that she was going out with Miroku, how did you expect to live your life normally after you had a taste of what it was like to be with her? Loving her when she was in love with someone else was hard enough but loving her knowing how it felt to have her in your arms was downright torture. So you promised yourself to never sleep with her unless you knew it was for forever, not temporarily but for eternity. You promised yourself to never act out on your emotions unless you knew that she loved you back, you and only you.

And in one night you managed to break all those promises you swore you would keep for the sake of your friendship, her happiness and of course, for the sake of your sanity.

Closing your eyes you wish that this were all a figment of your over-active imagination due to your more than platonic thoughts for your friend. That when you wake up you'll find yourself alone in your bed, your hard cock the only embarrassing reminder of the 'dream' you had last night. At least then you would be spared of the awkward talk that is bound to occur tomorrow when the two of you are awake. You wish that you never surrendered to temptation, that you thought with your head instead of your heart, even though it was about time you listened to the damn thing. Even if what had happened was only a wonderful dream, at least then you would still be able to look in your friends eyes without feeling guilty.

_But if you could, _would_ you take it all back? _

Scanning her body with your eyes, you frown slightly at the small finger shaped bruises covering her hips and at bite marks covering her breasts. You mentally reprimand yourself for not being gentle with her. Of course, she wasn't exactly gentle with you either. You could remember her scratching your back with her fingernails, biting into your shoulder to muffle her scream as she came undone. You're sure that that there are probably marks all over you body where she claimed you; marks that will surely fade away, leaving no trace that they were ever there in the first place. You have to be more careful next time to make sure you aren't so rough on her.

Wait a minute…next time? It takes you a couple of seconds to remind yourself that there won't be a next time, that tonight was just a one-time thing. You must never do this again. This is only temporarily, you remind yourself, this is not forever.

That's right, this is only for one night, not tomorrow, not for a month, not forever, just _right now_. Meaning only at the present time. She'll leave you tomorrow, leaving this behind, leaving you behind to go back to him. She'll leave you tomorrow with no other feelings but maybe regret or even shame. She'll leave you to go back to him, while you lie in your bed alone, pining away for her while she continues her life being happy with him.

All you'll have left of this night are memories, memories of what could've been. An empty space beside you in your bed, where she was lying will be all that is left of this night. Her fading scent on your pillow, sheets and the room will probably drive you insane. In fact, how are you suppose to sleep in this room when the memory of her being in it will probably haunt you forever? The fact that her scent is all around you yet she isn't there beside you. But that's all you want, _her_. Not some memory but just her…all of her. Now that you think about it, how are you suppose to continue living in this house with the knowledge of what you did in it? In fact how the hell are you suppose to face Miroku again after this? That's it –you made up your mind. The first chance you get you're moving out of town. You can't really expect to live in the same place with your two best friends, which one of them you happened to sleep with who happens to be going out with the other. So that would mean that your best friend, who happens to be the boyfriend of the friend that you just slept with is going to want to kick your ass –either that or kill you. It's not like you're scared of him –far from it cause you know you could probably kick his ass –it's just you wouldn't be able to stand the guilt. You know what, screw moving towns, you should probably move to another country altogether. That way there wouldn't be any chance of them ever finding you, and you could continue living your life living as if nothing had ever happened.

Or you could just take it like a man, stay put and pay for the consequences regardless of what they may be.

Get a grip. You're a freaking adult now. Running away won't solve your problems. It won't help you forget about what has already occurred and it sure as hell won't help you get over your feelings for Kagome. Besides, you could run and move as far as you could but you know that your problems would always find a way back to you. It's better to deal with it right now, than to run away and regret it later.

Sighing you rest your head against the pillows behind you, surprised to feel a weird sensation going through the arm which she's resting on. Trying to flex the fingers of that arm, you realize that it has fully gone numb due to the weight of her head. Shifting around to try and get the feeling back in your arm proves to be futile, so after a few moments contemplating on what to do, you decide that moving her would be the best solution.

She stirs beside you, her eyes fluttering open. At first she looks a bit lost, but suddenly a look of realization dawns on her face. 'Hey.'

You jump slightly at the sound of her voice. Her eyes are half-open, still glazed over with sleep. She stares at you with an intense gaze; it's almost as if she's peering into your soul. For all you know she is.

'Hey yourself.' You lay your head beside hers so that you're now staring at her eye-to-eye. 'Sorry if I woke you.'

She yawns. 'It's okay.' She pauses and bites her bottom lip. 'Inuyasha?'

'Hmmm?'

'Would you…can you get off for a second?' She looks down at your arm, which is wrapped, around her waist –you have no clue when you did that.

'Oh,' you're heart begins to sink. She regrets it, you know she does, that's why she's so eager to get away from you. 'Um…okay.'

You remove your arm, and watch sadly as she swings her legs off the edge of the bed. Her bare pale back is facing you and your just itching to touch her again. You brace yourself unto your elbows. 'Where are you going?' you ask.

She looks at you over her shoulder; her face slowly turns red. 'I…well…I…um…sort of need to…' she coughs nervously, '…go pee really badly.' She smiles sheepishly.

You blink. 'Oh. Er…okay.' A wave of relief passes through you. She doesn't want to leave you –well technically she is but it's only because she needs to go to the washroom.

'Yeah,' she looks away, her face still red from embarrassment. 'Well…I'm just going to go now…'

You nod, careful to avert your eyes when she quickly heads towards your bedroom. It still doesn't feel right to be able to see her in such a state of undress, even though you've already seen everything. You're not suppose to have the right to see her like this, only Miroku does. Her light footsteps signals her return, but still you keep your eyes averted, the feeling of guilt starting to build inside you. When she doesn't make a move to come back into bed, you dare to take a peek at her.

She stands at the foot of the bed, staring at it thoughtfully as she chews on her lower lip. Her arms are wrapped around herself, covering her breasts from your view. You don't know if she did that for the sake of modesty or because she was cold. But by the gooseflesh covering her arms, you suspect it's the latter of the two.

Her eyes finally find yours, a look of uncertainty in them. You lick your lips nervously. 'I –I can take the couch if you want.'

She shakes her head. 'No, it's your house. I'm the one who should take the couch,' she protests softly.

'No, I insist.' You roll off the bed and unto your feet, not even bothering to cover yourself up from her gaze. What's the point really? She's _seen_ you, _touched_ you in the most intimate ways that only a lover is supposed to. No point in hiding something that she's already seen. 'You take the bed.'

'I shouldn't,' she says hesitantly.

'You're my guest,' you insist stubbornly.

She regards you carefully. She knows you won't back down, but you know that she won't either. You can practically see the gears turning in her head as she analyzes the situation. When it seems that she finally made up her mind, she slowly walks up and stands right in front of you –close enough that your able to smell the scent of her shampoo but far enough that your skin is barely touching.

You feel her slip her small hand into your large one, slowly entwining her fingers with yours. Her eyes search yours, a question hidden in them. _Is this okay?_ They ask you. You look down at your entwined hands, a feeling of warmth slowly expands in your heart. You squeezing her hand lightly is your only response. She climbs back into the bad, pulling you along after her. You come willingly.

You slide in beside her, shivering slightly as her soft skin brushes against yours. 'Cold?' she asks softly. You say nothing, your heart pounding loudly in your chest that you're sure she can hear it. She reaches over and throws the comforter over you, shifting closer beside you until her head rests at the crook of your neck. 'Better?' she asks, her breath skims softly against your skin.

'Much.' you manage to croak out. She sighs and you close your eyes in content. For a few endless beats you feel truly at peace. You wish you could have her beside you like this every night, even though you know you never will. 'Kagome,' you say hating to break the feeling of calm in the room. 'About tonight, I…'

She clamps her hand over your mouth and peers into your eyes. 'No. No more talking,' she says firmly, her voice barely a whisper.

You look at her, the moonlight glinting off the silver band on her finger. Slowly you remove her hand, kissing her palm softly. 'No more talking,' you whisper back.

She closes her eyes; her soft breathing fills the room again. You stare at her sleeping face. Why were you so scared before? This is only Kagome. The girl you grew up with. The only person who's ever seen you cry. The girl who has stood by your side through thick and thin. The girl who you fell in love with.

So you fall asleep beside her, keeping one eye open as you watch her breathe. The rise and fall of her chest as she exhales and inhales. You fall asleep beside her, your friend, the girl who you fell in love with, lying next to you. You watch her breathe; her chest rises and falls with each shuddering breath she takes in. You fall asleep, keeping one eye open. You watch, making sure she's still breathing. You watch, making sure her chest rises and falls with yours.

You watch, just because tonight you can.


End file.
